jail time 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
  
fighting gets old   
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
Things are looking   
better I have   
a bike again and I took up fishing!

 
 
 A little girl on the way 2/22/02 

I get what I  deserve  
and I deserved
a babe.
Nikki's bike.

Our baby boy Mikey!
2/21/2002

My honor student Ryan
5 A's & 3 B's
You go boy!

Mikey and Sissy helping out Dad

When I was growing up my life was unstable. My father abandoned the family when I was 6. I never saw him again. He was an alcoholic. He never could quit, although he tried often. He died one. I was shipped from town to town and sister to sister to live. I never stayed in one school or place longer than two years, therefore I never  made friends and I was always looking for attention. By the time I was 14 I was involved with the wrong crowd doing drugs and alcohol and petty crimes for thrills. Drinking and drugs seemed to make me feel better. I was one of those guys that always got off easy so it only led to bigger problems with my outlook on society and the law. My using progressed, one was never enough. I was a very angry and lonely person. There were some good times but mostly bad. I have to admit the extreme "action" and partying was fun. There's no bigger rush than having a gun in your face and fighting your way through it.  Man was I lucky. But the end was near. 

I couldn't live up to my own expectations. I just wanted a normal life. Finally it got to the point where I couldn't keep a job, I had no friends and my family had given up on me. Doing some real jail time was just around the corner. I was 27 and had nothing to show for all the money I wasted on drugs. I wore second hand clothes, had no cash, a shity car, and a $75 a month room and I couldn't make the rent. Not even a motorcycle - down and out! 
 
I tried giving up drugs totally, will power, cutting back, switching products, weekends only (never lasted past Monday), drinking instead of using, using instead of drinking, having friends ration it out, giving my money to my old lady just to beg and demand it back, anything and everything you can think of, but none of it worked.  

I had given up on myself, I even considered suicide. I had a gun in my mouth once but it miss fired. Much later I found myself at the steps of AA, nervous, scared and alone. Years before court ordered me to a couple of meetings for my second drunk driving. At the time I thought it was a big joke, but now I was desperate for help. I remembered those meetings and where they were located at.

I didn't want to quit, I just wanted to learn how to drink. I sat in on a meeting in a blur and a daze. I heard something at that first meeting, I don't know what, but it was something someone said while telling their story.  It reminded me of something that had happened to me. I realized I was not all alone.  I expected to see down and out alcoholics but these people looked good, they had a shine to their eyes. They also had that special knowledge that you can only get if you had been there. These people walked the walked and knew the talk. The things I had done and been through was nothing compared to some of these guys and gals. There was no bullshit, just facts. They were nice to me even though I was withdrawing and uncertain. They invited me back. That meant alot - nobody else wanted me and let me know it. There was hope for the suffering addict after all.  

That night no one told me I was an alcoholic or addict, that is for each one of us to decide on our own, but I had all the symptoms. I knew I had a problem. No one told me I had to stop drinking forever, it was suggested that I not drink for the rest of the day and hit another meeting the next day or the next time I felt like drinking and could not stop myself. That was the next morning for me. I heard something there that sounded like it might work and wanted to know more. That is how I got my start on getting sober one day at a time. That was May 4, 1983 - "one day at a time" made it easier to do. 

Today I am living the promises of AA and NA. I have no desire to use anymore although I am and will always be an addict and alcoholic. That means I can never use again or things go right back to real bad. I own my own successful contracting business, motorcycle(s) and home. I have a beautiful family and tons of friends in and out of AA/NA. I have friends that would give up everything for me and I for them. I am respected in and around my town and people actually ask me for advice, when at one time in my eyes and many others I was the worlds biggest loser. My 17 year old son tells me I am the best father in the world and he means it! I work hard at it. My wife loves me and I her. I am her best friend and she is mine. I am so lucky to have her. We gave birth to a new healthy clean and sober baby boy on July 21, 2000. We were blessed with Michelle, a happy bueatiful little girl born on May 13, 2002. I have seen the world and I continue to travel. Traveling is especially nice while sober on a bike and money in your pocket. I spend an enormous amount of time fishing with my family on our two boats and we catch lots of big fish. Before I got clean I was going to burn in hell for all eternity because that is where I knew I deserved to go. Now I look forward to a long happy life and my place in heaven since I am doing people right. I don't have to look over my shoulder anymore. Don't let me mislead you. It has'nt all been a bowl of cherries and a smooth road lined with pink clouds. Thats because I am human and once in a while I forget  the 12 steps and screw it up. By screw it up I don't mean drinking - I mean forgetting the basics. If  I would stick to the "steps" all the time it would have been none stop pink clouds, but I was still learning. I learned and continue to grow. Life is good and I want to share it.  Maybe I said something here that hits home. If you think you might have a drinking or drug problem feel free to email me. I care. nitrosmi@sonic.net  The 12 step program really works, even over the web. There are several people located from all over the world that have gotten sober by taking their first step with me over the internet and have stayed sober by using the program. If you have questions just email me. Everything is strictly confidential. There is no obligation. If you don't like what I have to share I will gladly refund your misery.